Omakes of In Flight from SatireSwift
by SatireSwift
Summary: A number of Random omakes I made for Gabriel Blessing's fanfiction In Flight. Mostly humorous, straying into crack and drama when I feel like it.
1. Why We Can Never Go Back To The Zoo

Really, it was just supposed to be a simple trip to the zoo. Saber had made a comment about wanting to see some lions, Rin was going stir crazy about needing to finish one of her regular reports for the Clock Tower on time, and I was tired of being cooped up in our rather small apartment. So, one day the three of us set out for the ZSL London Zoo. There was some brief hesitance on Rin's part though. Apparently she had had been banned for the zoo when she was 10 after her father had taken her there while on a trip to the Clock Tower. All I could get out of her after that were some mumbles about 'elephant tusks' and 'wanted to ride a tiger'. Still, that was 10 years ago, so we figured that no one would recognize her. All in all, it was shaping up to be a peaceful, uneventful day.

That should have been the first sign, really.

I ran as fast as I could from zoo security without reinforcing myself, following Saber as we weaved between fellow zoo patrons. We had lost Rin earlier in the chase and I hoped she was having better luck evading the authorities. Saber and I ran around a bend and jumped into some bushes near to the path. As the guards ran past our hiding place, I breathed out a sigh of relief. I then turned to the one responsible for this mess, a disapproving frown on my face. "You can't keep it." I said simply.

The King of Knights somehow managed to look petulant. "Why not?" She asked. "It's completely normal for a king to have exotic animals in his menagerie. Besides, you saw how this noble creature walked up to me when I entered its enclosure. Clearly, it wants to go with me." The lion cub in Sabers arms squirmed a bit while gnawing playfully on her hand. I imagine that it would have been much more painful if she were a normal human and not a heroic spirit.

I sighed. "Ignoring both the legal and ethical reasons not to steal animals from a zoo, where would we keep it? We barely have enough room in our apartment for the three of us. That's not even counting the fact that when that thing grows up, it will be _huge_. We couldn't afford to feed it, let alone shelter it."

Saber looked off to the side. "Our neighbors have been rather loud lately. I'm sure I could convince them to find lodging elsewhere. That would leave plenty of for Somba."

"Don't name the lion, we're not keeping it!" I yelled. "And don't 'convince' our neighbors to leave just because you want a lion as a pet!" I'm sure that the 'convincing' Saber had in mind was more along the lines of terrifying than persuasive.

It was at this point Saber decided to use the big guns. She turned back to me, her eyes widening and watering a little, her lower lip pushed out with the slightest quiver. For another woman this would have been a mild expression. On Saber it was a full blown Sad Puppydog Face. And it was adorable.

_Gah! No! When did Rin teach her how to do that?_ I was doomed. If the two of them ever did that at same time, I would never be able to say no to them again.

"I.. but.. guh…"I stumbled for words in the face of such cuteness until I slumped my shoulders in defeat. "Well… maybe we could convince the Clock Tower that it's Rin familiar…"

Saber smiled in response and began to dote on Somba. I sighed again, wondering how I would explain this to Rin.

My worries were cut short when I noticed the guards that had run past the two of us earlier ran past us again, only this time from the opposite direction and screaming. The reason for this, as I saw a few seconds later, was that they were being chased by a large Bengal tiger, ridden by none other than the tiny magus herself. It seems that Rin figured so long as we were going to get in trouble anyway, she might as well re-live a childhood fantasy. She screamed in joy as the large cat bounded after the guards. "This is even better than I remember! Onwards, Copernicus!" She yelled as she and her mount dashed past our hiding place.

I just know I'm going to be blamed for this somehow…


	2. Of Cats and Internets

"Rin, you don't have to ride him everywhere." I said

"That's where you're wrong, Shirou." Rin replied, with her arms folded across her chest and a look of smug satisfaction on her face. "Being seen atop Copernicus ensures that that everyone's first impression of me in one of awe and respect, as befitting of one of the Tohsaka lineage." To her credit, she did look rather impressive on top the massive Bengal tiger which she had 'liberated' from the zoo a few days ago. I'm not quite sure how, but through some combination of bribes, hypnotism, and Rin's sheer defiance of most normal laws of probability and logic, she had managed to steal away both the tiger and Saber's new pet lion cub Somba from the zoo while convincing the Clock Tower that both were her familiars. Unfortunately for our neighbors, Saber did indeed 'convince' them to leave to get more room for the felines, though I suspect they would have moved when they found out about the tiger next door anyway.

"I think you're confusing awe and respect with confusion and terror…" I remarked, looking at a fellow apprentice we were passing in the hall on the way to her next class in the Mage's Association academy. The poor man was frozen in place and trembling as Copernicus lazily glanced at him before deeming him irrelevant.

"I can work with both." she said.

I sighed. "Well, could you at least not ride him in public?" Indeed, I didn't even want to think about the hassle our daily commute had become. There was an excessively large amount sneaking around and hypnotism involved to keep the police from showing up every day.

"Oh, Copernicus doesn't cause that many problems."

"Yes he does!" I exclaimed "It's become impossible to go outside without having to scramble someone's brain, our food budget has gone through the roof, when he purrs at night it's as loud as a car's engine, his litter box is _far_ too small, and he ate Luviagelita's owl!"

"Yeah, well…" Rin trailed off for a moment before lifting her chin up imperiously. "I'm riding a tiger. Your arguments are invalid."

I gave her a flat look. "You've been getting into the internet again, haven't you?"

A light bush appeared on her cheeks. "Maybe…"

I frowned "Well, just remember what happened the last time you got curious about the internet. Honestly, how did you get that many viruses on there?"

Rin's blush intensified.

* * *

Saber sat in front of Shirou's computer, staring intently at the monitor. While the Holy Grail had given her general knowledge about the era she was summed to, she was still missing some of the finer points about how things worked. For instance, while she knew that computers were used for pretty much everything these days, she didn't know how to use one. Given that Shirou's computer had recently been healed (though she had no idea how a machine could get sick in the first place), Saber decided now would be a good time to learn how to use this device.

Somba yawned from his place on top Saber's head. As a cub, he was still small enough to fit on top her head if they both balanced correctly. As Saber was mostly sitting still, she saw no reason to remove him.

After while, Saber found herself getting used to how the machine worked, finding it easier if she thought of it as a sort of magical library. Sifting through the 'recovered files' and 'Rin' indexes, she found an inconspicuous folder marked 'Delicious Delights'. Saber's mouth started to water a bit. Perhaps Rin was storing some recipes for desserts on this machine? She clicked on the folder eagerly to see what Rin had planned.

A few seconds later, Saber was on the ground, passed out with a thin trickle of blood coming from her nose and a somewhat irate Somba looking down at his perch which had inexplicably fallen over.


	3. Sekirei Genius

Normally my job as a repair man would have me fixing appliances, things like washing machines, heaters, air conditioners, and on a few occasions some more advanced electronics like computers. Today was different however, as one of my clients had referred me to a friend, telling him that I could fix any mechanical device. I was a little hesitance when the man called me and asked me to have a look at his car, but I agreed nonetheless. Automotive mechanics aren't something I usually work on or study, but my Structural Analysis should have been able to give me at least a general idea of what was wrong with it.

However, when I got the young man's house I found that there were a small group of people huddled in the driveway around the car I was presumably supposed to work on. Getting closer, I noticed that the car was currently up on a jack and there were a pair of shapely legs sticking out from under it. I managed to find my employer amid the crowd. "Okajima-san? I'm Shirou Emiya, the repairman. What's going on?"

The young man gave me an apologetic look. "Sorry Emiya-san. I didn't mean to replace you. It's just that I meet this girl and bought her lunch, and afterwards she insisted she pay me back somehow. After my first idea of her giving me her phone number was rejected," he said with some bitterness in his voice, "I had brought up how my car wasn't working, and she offered to try to fix it."

"Hmm," I said, not sure if I should feel better or worse that my latest job was in danger because my employer was trying to score points with the girl he just met rather than him just hiring someone else. "How is she doing?"

"It's… hard to say." He said as he gestured awkwardly. "She seems to know what she's doing, but she keeps asking for really weird tools. I had to call all the friends I know with tool boxes," He gestured to the small crowd around the car "but even then we can't provide half the things she asked for."

"Minions!" A female voice suddenly shouted from underneath the car. "I need a 3 ¾ centi-cubit hexagonal sprocket wrench!"

"Yes Mistress!" the group of men replied as one, and they started rifling through their respective tool boxes and belts.

I arched an eyebrow at this, at both the request and the men's response. That certainly wasn't a standard tool, and even with my limited knowledge of modern automotives, I was pretty such that no car made today would have any part that would demand the use of such a sprocket wrench. My curiosity peaked, I reached into my own tool box and Traced the requested wrench. It was unusual, but I had enough experience with tools to imagine the correct portions in my mind. I knelt down next to the legs and held it out under the car. "Is this what you're looking for?"

An unseen hand took the tool from mine and a moment later the female voice said "Yes, perfect!" There was the sound of metal on metal as the tool was put to use. On what I had no idea, though. "Your voice sounds new. Did Rokuro-san finally call someone with a decent tool set?"

"I should hope so," I replied dryly. "I'm the repair man he originally hired for the job."

The woman's legs stiffened for a moment before she said "Oh! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to steal your work; I just wanted to pay Rokuro-san back for lunch." With that she slid herself out from under the car and stood up in front of me.

The woman was of average height, with long, strawberry blonde hair and a pair of round glasses on her face. She was wearing brown work pants and a tan shirt with the sleeves rolled up, though those were the most normal parts of her attire. Over the shirt she was wearing what appeared to be a thick, green tank top, if tank top normally had a number of belt buckles attached. In addition to the green worker's gloves, she also had a small work apron with a number of criss-crossing tool belts at her waist. All of these cloths covered a figure that was quite curvy at the hips and bust in a most pleasing manner.

When she looked into my eyes she suddenly went stiff for a moment, eyes becoming a bit wider and her breath catching slightly. "Hello," she said, with a slightly uncertain and curious tone in her voice. "My name's Agatha."

She didn't need to tell me her name, as I recognized her from Matsu's files the moment I saw her. Agatha, Sekirei number 68, one of the four brain types in the Sekirei Plan. However, her powers were markedly different than the other three in her category. Rather than having the ability to interface with electronic devices, Agatha displayed an almost supernatural aptitude with mechanics, creating devices which baffled even the top MBI scientist. The file also mentioned some brief tests to see if she displayed the same skill with biology, but the results of the tests were expunged from the file with a frantic note that she should never be allowed to tamper with biology again or she'll become a threat to the Sekirei Plan (and maybe humanity in general). As it was, the limits of her ability were unknown.

At the moment though, I was less concerned with abilities of the Sekirei of the in front of me than I was with if I was going to have to bring another Sekirei home to meet the flock. Since it had happened to me enough times before, I was able to see the signs of her reacting. However, her symptoms were far more subdued than the reaction I usually caused. Not only that, she seemed more interested in analyzing me than shoving her tongue down my throat. Erring on the side of politeness, I bowed slightly and said. "Greetings Agatha-san. I'm Shirou Emiya."

She continued to eyeball me from head to toe for a moment before her gaze settled on my waist. "Nice tool belt." She said. "Tell you what: I still want to pay Rokuro-san back, so how about the two of us work together on this and you get paid as normal. Is that acceptable?" She asked this of both my employer and myself.

After some brief negotiations, I found myself under the car with Agatha, looking at some rather bizarre looking machinery. Undeterred, I put my hand on the metal above me and quietly incanted.

"Structural Analysis."

I suddenly felt myself go cross eyed by the sudden influx of conflicting information. I considered myself a pretty good mechanic all things considered, but half of the things my spell reported back didn't have a discernible purpose, and the other half broke several rules of physics! %150 efficiency? Negative electrical resistance in some of the electronic components? And was that radioactive Cobalt?

"I… wha.. How did this car ever run to begin with?" I exclaimed. "No wonder you've been having problems with this, the person who designed it was obviously crazy!"

Though it was a little dark under the car, I could still see Agatha faintly blush at the comment. "Ah… well, actually, most of what you see are modifications I've made."

I blinked in surprise as I looked at her. "What the hell was wrong with it that you had to do all this?"

"Broken fuel line." She replied.

I gave her a flat look. "A broken fuel line required you to do all this." I said in a tone that matched my expression.

She rubbed the back her head sheepishly. "Well, you know how it is, you start with the fuel line, but then you think that it could be improved with a pair of galvanic relays, and that of course leads in to adding etheric condensers for stability, and you can't have condensers without a set of thermobaric transformers, and that of course leads too-" Agatha continued on for a good while, listing of numerous devices and concepts which I'm pretty sure were ether debunked by science or just adhered to a set of physical laws that belonged in a different universe.

Finally snapping out of my technobabble induced stupor, I said "You know what, seeing as hoe extensively you… modified the car, I think it would be faster if you took the lead and I helped you."

"Ah!" She said "Ok! Well, the last thing I was doing was trying to get the hydraulic lifters working, but I'm having trouble getting enough power where it's needed."

I hesitantly reached out and touched the components she was pointing to, softly incanting "Structural Analysis" again. Rather than analyzing the whole car, limited my od to just the few relevant components. This was much easier on my head, and I found that if I ignore all of my common sense that told me what I was looking at was impossible, I could understand how this worked, at least in part. "Hmm…" I said after a moment's thought. "Well, what if you bypassed this thing here, and connected it directly to the dynamo here? You could compensate for the strain by using auxiliary tubing here and here." I said, gesturing to several things of which I only had a vague idea of what they did.

Amazingly, she took my suggestion seriously and said "Yes! That will give me the torque I need without killing everyone! But I'm going to need a powerful drill to put the rivet holes straight into the engine block to support the new configuration…"

"I think I could handle that." I said. I reached into my toolbox again, and this time I traced a hand-cranked drill with an industrial diamond tip. I placed it where she indicated and, Reinforcing myself just a little bit, I began making the hole. It probably wasn't a good idea to use my abilities in front of her in such a manner, but I figured I was doing it subtly enough that she wouldn't suspect anything.

She blinked in surprise for a moment before a grin split her face. "That's amazing! Where do get all those wonderful tools? No, never mind, you can tell me later. Right now there's work to do! And with you helping, I can do it in half the time!"

With that, the two of us got to work, with her designing and directing, and with me providing the muscle and tools with strange specifications. Still, Agatha also enlisted the help of the various other men (or minions as she was fond of calling them) to carry or hold things while the two of us were busy. If someone knew she was a Sekirei and saw the scene unfolding before them, they probably would have thought that Agatha had some sort of mind control power with the way they hung of her every word and called her 'Mistress'. I, however, knew better and was sure that their behavior had more to do with the fact that they were all young, intelligent men and she was young, brilliant, incredibly voluptuous woman whose enthusiasm was positively infectious. I have to admit even I was getting excited when we finally finished an hour later.

Agatha and I were in the driver and passenger seat respectively when she turned the ignition key. I wasn't entirely sure what was going to happen as I was only able to understand parts of what she did and not the whole things. Still, at most I was expecting the car to be simply supped up and give a high performance.

What I did not expect was for the wheels to pop out of their sockets, attached to huge hydraulic limbs no less, and place themselves flat on the ground as the car lifted itself six feet in the air!

"It lives! IT LIVES!" Agatha yelled in joy as the walking car took its first few steps out into the street.

Through my shock at this whole unexpected turn of events, I managed to say. "Umm, doesn't turning it into a walker severely reduce its speed?"

"Nonsense!" She replied. "This baby can go 70 kph, which is plenty of speed for city driving. Observe!" And with that, she put the accelerator pedal to the floor and the walker was off like a shot down the street, entering a gallop like some kind of mechanical horse.

As we turned right at the first intersection, both of us were screaming, though I suspect for different reasons. She was screaming out of joy. I was screaming because I was in some kind of mechanical abomination that was barreling straight into traffic. However, rather than tripping on the cars in front of us, our vehicle managed to deftly side step around them. "By converting the vehicle from a wheel based to a leg based mode of movement, we gain the ability to walk over traffic jams entirely!" Agatha said as we turned down an alleyway. Noticing that there was a fence between us and the next road, she continued. "Now, BEHOLD!"

With that she pulled a lever next to her, and a god damn pair of laser beams shot out the front of the car! They struck the fence and easily blew it to pieces. "Death rays installed in the headlights!" she exalted. "With these, NO ONE SHALL EVER CUT ME OF AGAIN!" It seems at some point she forgot that she wasn't building the car for herself.

We came to a stop in a parking spot (which was already taken, we just parked over the other vehicle) on the next street, me looking straight forward and holding onto my seat with a death grip. I saw out of the corner of my eye Agatha turning to face me. "AND WITH YOU AT MY SIDE, THERE IS NO LIMIT TO WHAT WE COULD BUILD!" Turning to face her, I saw that her face was completely flushed, her eyes were wide, and her chest was heaving up and down in a way that was most distracting. Before I could realize that those were the symptoms I usually caused in a Sekirei reacting to me, she jumped on top of me and mashed her lips against mine.

Along with the sensation of her soft lips, I felt the familiar sense of a small amount of my od being drained. As expected, a pair of wing erupted from her back yellowish orange in color and almost having a metallic sheen to them, as if they were made out of brass. They were apparently quite strong too as they ended up going through the roof of the car.

For a long moment after the wings faded she lay on top of me, our lips touching and her curvaceous body pressed against mine. Eventually she broke the kiss, pulling back slightly to look me in the eyes. "Together we will build the future," she said in a soft voice. "Forever and ever."

It was at this point she seemed to realize just how suddenly she had jumped on me, and pulled back with a slightly embarrassed look on her face. "Sorry. I'm usually not so forward. It's just… I should probably explain."

"No need." I said, causing her to arch an eyebrow. "I'm already an Ashikabi, and I figured you were reacting to me when you first saw me."

"Oh! Well, that makes things much simpler then." She said cheerfully. She then frowned in thought. "Hmm, other Sekirei…" she said, as if not quite sure how to feel about it.

"You know, we should probably get this back to Okajima-san's house." I said, snapping her out of her thoughts. "We still have a little repair work to do before we're done." I pointed at the roof.

"Eh?" she said, following my finger up to the two holes in the roof which her winging had caused. "Oops!" she exclaimed, her blush intensifying.

As we made our way back to the house (at a much slower pace this time), we end up talking and getting to know each other better when the topic of hobbies was brought up. "So your real passion is cooking?" she said, sounding a little disappointed that it wasn't mechanics like herself.

"Repair work is my job and I'm good at it, but cooking is what I really love to do." I confirmed.

She thought about for a moment before nodding to herself. "Well, I am a big lover of food myself. And a good cook in capable of magic in my opinion." She decided she was able to live with my preferences. She then sighed to herself. "I'm terrible at cooking. You'd thing being able to build a death ray out of a smoke detector, a vacuum cleaner and pizza box would be able to give me some talent at it, but no." She said. She then perked up a little. "Although, I do have some ideas for a coffee machine…"

* * *

**Side Story**

* * *

Rokoru sighed as he watched Agatha and the repairman walk away, indignant that Emiya-san got the girl just because he had mechanical skill. Roukoru never really excelled in any particular field in college, and things were shaping up so that he'd probably end up a generic salaryman when his time in education ended.

On the other hand, the day wasn't a total waste. Thanks to that pair, he now had a car that could walk over traffic and shoot laser beams. He looked at his car with a smile as he envisioned himself driving through the street with impunity, blasting all who got in his way.

His revelry was sort lived however, as a few moments later another young woman sudden appeared out of nowhere, slid across the hood of his car and crouched down behind it next to him. Rokoru was only allowed a brief moment of confusion before a bolt of lightning struck his car, lighting it on fire and throwing him down to the down to the ground next to the woman. "My car!" he wailed, his dreams of exacting death ray based vengeance on all who opposed him going up in smoke.

"Oy, quit whining, you little bitch." The woman next to him said. Turning his head to look at her, he saw she was a lithe woman with maroon hair and a tribal tattoo on her right shoulder. She was wearing a rather small black tank top and an even smaller pair of denim shorts. These took a backseat though to the pair of silver hand guns she was holding, one of which she was currently firing over the hood of the car in the direction she came from. "I've had to deal with these assholes shooting lightning at me all day."

Nervously looking over the hood of his now ruined car, Rokuro saw a pair of scantily clad women (most likely sisters by appearance) with lightning arcing up and down their hands. "Yes!" one of them said. "We finally found another unwinged. We should be able to take care of her in no time."

"Tch," the woman with guns said as she reloaded behind the ruined car. "Yeah, maybe if you were a better shot you would have hit me with one of those fancy lightning bolts by now." She turned to Rokoru saying "Hey you-", but the moment she laid eyes on him whatever she said was forgotten. Her eyes went wide and the slightest blush crossed her face. "You got to be fucking kidding me," she muttered. "This loser looking guy is my Ashikabi?"

"Umm, what?" Rokoru had no idea what was going on and was scared for his life, so he let the offhand insult slide for the moment. "What the hell are you talking about?"

The woman went to answer him, but was cut off by another bolt of lightning striking the car. She gave an exasperated sigh. "Looks like there's no helping it. I'm going to need you if I want out of this one." Before Rokuro could say anything, she grabbed him by the collar (an act that made him very nervous as she still had a gun in that hand) and pulled him close. "Number 92, Revy." Without further delay, she kissed him.

Things continued to get even weirder for Rokuro as right after she did, a pair of glowing, brass colored wings erupted from her back. Looking closer, he could swear that the individual feathers of the wings were made out of bullets.

When she broke the kiss, he managed to mutter out "Rokuro Okajima". Hey, he may have unexpectedly found himself in a life or death situation, but that's no reason to be rude to someone who just introduced themselves. Through his stupor, he barely managed to hear the other pair of women say "Wait, was that a winging light?" and "Naw, couldn't have been."

"Eh? What kind of a name is that?" The newly named Revy replied. "I'm not going to remember it, so I'm just going to call you Rock." Revy tightened her grip on his shirt. "Now give me another one so I can finish these bitches off."

She pulled him in for another kiss, the wings of light (and bullets) reappearing from her back. She rose from behind the car, the wings just adding to the image that she was some kind of valkyrie from on high who had come down to reap bloody vengeance on all who stood against her. The batshit crazy grin on her face didn't hurt ether. She then incanted her battle hymn.

_By the Guns of my Pledge,_

_Shoot down all who oppose my Ashikabi._

_Whitman Fever!_


	4. He's Doomed

"We're home." I announced to the apartment, thankful that the arduous journey from the Clock Tower Academy back to our small apartment was finally over. I still wasn't sure how that street mime managed to out run Copernicus, but nevertheless I was glad that our routine mind wipes of the London populous didn't involve coving up a murder.

Saber appeared, carrying Somba in her arms. Normally she would greet the two of us and then start inquiring about dinner, but this time she said nothing. Her face was a little flushed and she seemed to have trouble looking me or Rin in the eye. "Shirou, I found… something on your computer."

I frowned at this. "What do you mean?" I wasn't even aware Saber used the computer.

She fidgeted a little, the lion cub's legs dangling side from side as she did so. "Well, I was trying to figure out how to use the device, and I found some… things in Rin's section."

Rin, who up until this moment had been petting her tiger, froze. She slowly turned to Saber, her face turning white. "Umm, what things?"

Saber looked away in embarrassment. "I think Shirou should see it for himself…"

* * *

**Several awkward minutes later**

* * *

I stared at the screen of my computer, my face most likely a rather deep shade of crimson as I watched the video Saber found in one of Rin's old folders. "She… tea cozy… forty three hours… only one spoon… how…" I sputtered. Needless to say, the content of said video was rather explicit.

"Why did you have to show him this?" I heard Rin say behind from me, her voice making it clear that she was probably as red as I was. Saber remained silent.

With some effort, I managed to pry my eyes away from the screen, giving a sigh while I did so. "Well, I guess I know why my computer had so many viruses." I gave a slightly confused look at the blonde swordwoman. "Actually, why did you want me to watch this? You could have just told me what it was."

Saber's face somehow managed to become even more red then mine or Rin's. "Well… it's just… I was thinking…"

Rin suddenly gained a look of understanding and she looked at Saber with wide eyes. "You mean you want to…" Rin trailed off, and as she did Saber gave an embarrassed nod of her head. A perverted leer slowly creep across the magus's face as she turned to look at me.

I stood there confused for a moment before the realization sunk in. "Wh-what?" I stammered. "You can't mean… you want to… " I said pointing to the screen. You have to be kidding me! I knew Rin had certain… adventurous tendencies in the bedroom, but now Saber too? "No! Absolutely not! This is too weird, and that's final!"

My two lovers exchanged a brief look and nodded. Turning back to me, they unleashed their ultimate weapon:

The Double Sad Puppydog Face.

"Gurk!" I choked out. Well, that's it. There goes any authority I might have had in this relationship. Confronted with such cuteness I was completely powerless. If I wasn't about to be forced to do something so indecent I might have thought it funny that something so adorable was being used to get me to do kinky sex acts. With a sigh of defeat, I hung my head and said "I'll get the chocolate mousse."


	5. The Start of a Spiral

"I still think that you should have let me turn the motor into a relativistic acceleration dynamo."

"Agatha, for the last time, a washing machine is just supposed to move the clothes around a bit, not rip them to pieces with centrifugal force. Never mind the fact that most people don't want appliances more complicated than particle accelerators."

"But think about it! If you accelerated the clothes to a high enough speed, they would revert to a state before they had ever been dirty! Think of the money you could save on cleaning supplies!"

I gave a sigh as Agatha continued to rant about how else she would turn the humble washing machine into a technological abomination that would make physicists cry if they knew it existed. Ever since I had winged the excitable mechanic, she had insisted that she come with me while I was on the job as a repairman. I had objected at first, but I quickly realized after the first day of coming home to a small swarm of robots made out of kitchen appliances that Agatha needed an outlet for her abilities. So, in the interest of Miya not terrifying the poor girl (and myself) to death with her Hannya mask, the mechanic Sekirei had become my trusty assistant. She was as good as I was when it came to identifying the problem with whatever I was working on (my Structural Analysis included), and it was always useful to have a second set of hands. Still, the place where she really shone was getting machines to work which I had given up on. Although this was generally accomplished through her use of mechanically laws unknown to either god or man, I was usually able to rein her in enough to keep the resulting device from doing anything too over the top. Today's washing machine was yet another example of that.

I suppressed a shutter as I once again vowed to myself that Agatha must never find out about the mystic washing machine I was creating in my workshop, lest it become a threat to all mankind. For that matter, she should never be allowed to find out about magic at all, because god knows what that woman would be capable of if she finds another way to ignore the laws of reality. It was hard enough as it was considering that she frequently requested to see my workshop, and I was having a hard time coming up with reasons not to let her. I really had to look into seeing if my protective wards extend to underneath the shed. I wouldn't put it past her to build some kind of drilling machine out of a lawnmower, a toaster, some scrap metal, and a few dozen paperclips.

Next to me, as we walked down the street back to the Izumo House, I heard Agatha give a huff at the end of her rant. "Why don't you ever let me build anything nice, Shirou?"

"Perhaps because the things that you call 'nice' are usually either armed to the teeth with energy weapons, sentient, unnecessarily complex, explode, or all of those things at once?"

"Hey! You should know just as well as I do that explosions are a perfectly natural part of the inventing process." She replied indignantly. "You know what they say: You can't make a breakthrough without burning down a few labs…"

"No one say that but you."

Agatha grumbled for a moment, muttering something along the lines of "well, they should say it…" before changing the subject. "So, can it see your workshop now?"

A raised an eyebrow at this. "Didn't you just say something about burning down labs?"

"Oh, that's just an expression!" she said, waving her hand dismissively. Then, a wicked grin crossed her face. "Remember, tonight is my night. If you don't let me see your workshop, I'll team up with Matsu again."

I stopped dead in my tracks, suddenly paralyzed by a sensation of dread and fear. _Oh dear god no. Not again._ I hadn't thought much of the first time when the two decided to share a night. Unfortunately, the two Sekirei seemed to collaborate before hand and brought… things with them. And they weren't the objects one normally brought to the bedroom, oh no, they were things that Agatha made. And Matsu thought up. Needless to say, I was still desperately trying to suppress the memories of that night.

_I can't let her into my workshop! She'll discover the secret of magic! But I can't let her and Matsu share night again! Pistons were never meant to be used like that!_

Fortunately, before I could start seriously weighing the pros and cons of Agatha possibly destroying the world with magic vs. my own chastity, my thoughts were interrupted by a familiar voice. "Ah, Minato-kun. I see that you've gotten yet another Sekirei to add to your collection."

Agatha and I spun in place, coming face to face with a rather predatory grin. "Hello Karasuba. And don't call me Minato." I had been so pre-occupied with thoughts of my impending and thoroughly indecent doom that I hadn't even noticed the black Sekirei's scent until she was no less than five feet away from me. "Have you finally gotten over stalking me and decided to just talk to me directly?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," she said with a smile, and obviously lying. "I just wanted to say hello to your new girlfriend, Minato-chan." The scent of blood increased as she turned her gaze to Agatha. "He's such an interesting man, isn't he? I wonder where he would get such a strange notion that I was following him."

Rather than being unnerved by Karasuba's aura of bloodlust, Agatha merely gave her a cool look and replied "Probably because your clearly lusting after him, you strumpet."

Both Karasuba and I blinked in surprise at Agatha's comment. _Did she just call the black Sekirei a strumpet?_ I thought in bewilderment. One of the things I had quickly learned about Agatha is that she was not easily cowed. Sure, she respected the power of Miya's Hannya like everyone else, but when it came to two particular things, the woman had a will stronger than iron. The first was being allowed to practice 'SCIENCE!'(She always insists that what she does is of the capitalized and exclamation point variety.)

The other, as it turns out, was me.

"Now let me make this clear," Agatha said as she drew one of her many self made 'death rays' out of a holster, "Shirou is mine. I don't care who you are; if you come after my Ashikabi I will put you in an indestructible glass jar and leave you to rot in the sun. I will reanimate your dried up husk of a corpse so I can put your mind into the body of a rat. **I WILL MAKE YOU RUN THROUGH A MAZE FILLED WITH DEATH TRAPS FOR A PIECE OF CHEESE LIKE THE RODENT YOU ARE, YOU TRUMPED UP HARLEOT**."

She also had a tendency to go completely overboard about those two points at certain times.

Karasuba looked shocked at being threatened by of someone so brazenly (and creatively). Then a slow smile spread on her face, and the scent of bloodlust became thicker. "Oh my, yes! This one has some fire in her! I don't think anyone's ever had the guts to stand against me like that except Miya-chan! Let's all three of us play together, Shiroui-chan!" she said as her hand drifted to the hilt of her sword.

As I cocked the metaphorical hammer for my mage craft in the back of my mind, I desperately tried to think of a way of the situation. Fighting with Karasuba was bad enough, but with Agatha involved? I had seen one of her death rays in action, and I was quite certain that the one in her hand could put a hole through a building. As well as the one behind it. The collateral damage of this particular battle would be catastrophic, needless to say.

Fortunately, my dilemma was once again interrupted by the addition of a new voice, male this time. "Oy! Don't start this fight without me!"

The three of use turned our heads to the adjacent alleyway to see a very strangely dressed young man saunter out of it. "Huh?" Karasuba said, so off balance by the man's sudden appearance that the aura of bloodlust lessened somewhat. "Who the hell are you?"

"All right, I'll tell you, so open up those ears of yours and listen well!" He closed one hand in a fist in front of him. "Leader of the future winners of the Shin Tokyo Sekirei Plan," a grand motion showed the tribal tattoos along his arms and bare chest, "a man with a strong soul and strong back," his crimson and tattered cape flowing out behind him, "a tena~cious demon," he drew his massive dai katana out of its sheath, his angular orange sunglasses glinting in the sun as he did so, "I am… the great Kamina-sama!"

The three of us just stared at the man for a few moments, disbelieving the crazy we just witnessed. Eventually, Agatha spoke up. "Umm, this really is just a fight between me and her…"

Karasuba on the other hand simply shrugged. "Eh, what the hell, I'm game for a little three on one." She crouched down in a fighting stance, her battle lust returning. "Just don't expect to live because you outnumber me."

Kamina gave a snort as he cracked his neck. "Hah! Like I'd need help to take you down! Just who the hell do you think I am?" With that, he charged forward at the black Sekirei.

Normally, I would have considered the man's intervention as a blessing. If Karasuba was busy fighting another Sekrei, Agatha and I could slip away in the confusion, and perhaps mitigate some collateral damage while we were at it. There was just one problem with that plan though.

Kamina was not a Sekirei. He was just an idiot.

Due to our positioning, I was able to discreetly put my foot out, causing the charging man to stumble and fall flat on his face before Karasuba could cut the poor fool in half. He quickly picked himself up and gave me a glare. "Hey! What the hell was that for?"

"That was for keeping you from getting yourself killed." I replied dryly. "Why did you think that you could take a Sekirei on and live?" I knew how hypocritical that statement was coming from me, but it's not like anyone here knew I was a magus. Furthermore, I knew for a fact the man in front of me wasn't particularly magically empowered or skilled.

"That's not your choice to make, Shiroui-chan!" Karasuba remarked, and suddenly dashed towards the two of us, her sword brought back in a motion ready to cut us down.

I was about to interpose myself between her and Kamina when she suddenly stopped her movement forward, jumping back before a bullet that hit the pavement in front of her could instead hit her own body. I quickly looked around before my glaze went upwards, catching sight of a young woman sliding down a rope along the side of a building, the rope braced between her foot and the barrel vents of the massive sniper rifle which she was using to shoot at Karasuba with. Along with her bright red hair, she wore short shorts, a small bikini top, stockings, a scarf, and that was about it.

The woman landed next to Kamina, and promptly smacked him upside the head. "Baka! How many times have I told you not to try and fight other Sekirei. You're just going to get yourself killed!"

"It's a man's way, Yoko! How can I call myself the Leader of Team Gurren if I'm not willing to fight myself?" Kamina calmed down slightly and looked to the side in thought. "Though I suppose you have a point. We should fight together as a team!"

"My point was that you shouldn't be fighting at all, dumbass!"

I watched the two yell at each other back and forth as I tried to remember what I could about them from Matsu's files. Sekirei No. 14, Yoko. Weapon user type. One of the few Sekirei in the plan that had adopted the use of modern weaponry. Her Ashikabi, Kamina Jeeha. A delinquent that barely made it out of high school and never made it into college. Was known for getting into fights due to his own sense of honor and manliness. Believed he was destined for greatness, despite all evidence to the contrary.

"Aniki!" I looked up at the rope again and saw a younger boy nervously sliding his way down it. He was much more sensibly dressed that the other two with a simple jacket and pants, though he was wearing goggles and had a hand cranked drill strapped to his side for some reason.

Ok, this was getting ridiculous. How many more people were going to show up before I could go home?

Almost as if on cue, a voice behind me said. "You're in my way." Out of frustration, I didn't even bother turning around to acknowledge whoever it was. I figured they would just go away if I ignored them.

"Ah, Simon!" Kamina called out to the boy as he plopped down next to the other two. "You're just in time for our first battle!"

"A-Aniki…" Simon said nervously, eyeing the other two Sekirei and myself. "I don't know if that's a good idea…"

The voice behind me said "I said you're in my way."

Kamina reached over and grasped the boy in a motion that was half a hug and half a head lock. "Hey, what have I told you? Kick reason to the curb and go beyond the impossible! That's the way Team Gurren rolls!"

"O-Ok!" the boy said, talking out his drill and brandishing it in front of him like a weapon.

I sighed and face palmed. _Great. Apparently the man took on an apprentice for his craziness. That boy is going to have some issues growing up._ Honestly, who knows what that will do to the kid's potential?

The voice behind me said "You're ignoring me."

It was at this point that Karasuba started to get impatient. "Are you done yet? Because I'm still waiting to have my fun."

Agatha recollected herself and narrowed her eyes at the other woman, lifting her death ray up after it had fallen to her side. "Oh don't worry; I'm ready to show you just what this madgirl can do."

"Right!" Kamina exclaimed, taking front and center of his own group. "Let's do this! It's time to show that Yoko's boobs are the best!"

I was about to try to calm the situation down when the voice behind me suddenly increased in volume. "You know, that really PISSES ME OFF!"

Suddenly a new scent completely overwhelmed all the others that were present, one that made my nose fell like it was burring.

It smelled like rage.

The sound of metal warping was the only warning I had. Screaming "Down!", I tackled Agatha just in time to see a vending machine of all things go flying through the space where we were just standing. Unfortunately for Karasuba, she had been focusing in the direction of the other three at the moment, and was taken completely off guard. I just managed to see the look of surprise on her face just before the vending machine slammed into her, carrying her a good 15 meters before both tumbled to the ground.

I swung my head around and saw the source of sudden rage standing over me. It was a tall man, even taller than I was, with dyed blonde hair and, oddly enough, wearing a bartender's outfit. However, the most notable feature the man had was found with the crimson Sekirei crest on his forehead.

_Oh shit_. I thought to myself, as I recognized him from the MBI database. Sekirei No. 67, Shizuo. The third scrapped number. A power type, notable for being the physically strongest of all the Sekirei in the plan, even before he was scrapped. Has been diagnosed with a severe anger management disorder. Was originally locked in the MBI labs, but escaped shortly after the plan started through brute force.

"You know, it's incredibly dangerous to hog the street like that and not let me pass!" the scraped number said, glaring down at me from behind a pair of sunglasses. "What if a car came by and hit me while I was waiting for you to move? I could have died and it would have been all your fault! That said, you can't really complain if you die when I beat you up!"

It looked like the man wasn't completely rational when he was angry, but I didn't feel the need to point this out. Instead, I Reinforced myself as much as I could, sprung to my feet and bolted down the street in the opposite direction with Agatha tossed over my shoulder.

"Hey!-" she said in protest, but I quickly cut her off.

"Let's talking, more shooting the things he's throwing at us!"

"Huh?" She turned her head back in time to let out an 'eep' and shoot the lamppost Shizuo threw at us like a spear.

_Well, on the bright side_, I thought to myself while the anger Sekirei chased the two of us. _It probably won't get any crazier than this._

* * *

**Later**

* * *

Karasuba limped into one of the many lounges in the MBI building, her foul mood not helped by the injuries she sustained at the hands of a giant food dispensing box. Her Ashikabi looked up from what he was doing to see the Sekirei grumbling to herself. "Why the long face, Karasuba-chan? You like you've been in one hell of a scuffle. That usually puts you in such a good mood."

Karasuba gave an irritable grunt as she turned on the man who always seemed to be smiling. "I was almost in one hell of a scuffle. That is, until I was blindsided by a flying vending machine! By the time I picked myself up, everyone had run off! I still don't know what the hell happened!"

Her Ashikabi's hand, which had been reaching for a shogi piece, paused at the mention of the vending machine. "Really? I figured you might run into him eventually."

Karasuba narrowed her eyes. "What are you talking about?"

"It sounds like the work of the scrapped number that escaped a few weeks ago." He said moving the piece into position. "Don't worry, I'm sure that you'll meet him again."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. You can say that I'm actually quite familiar with the man."

Karasuba paused as she thought this over for a moment. "Is he strong?"

Her Ashikabi's grin widened at this. "The strongest. It's believed that he might actually give the 01 a run for her money in terms of physical strength."

A slow smile slowly spread on her lips, matching the other man's. "Aw, thanks Ashikabi-chan. You always know what to say to cheer me up." She turned to leave. "I'm going to go get cleaned up. Make sure you tell Haihane and Benitsubasa about the new target."

"I will, Karasuba-chan." As she left the room, Izaya Orihara gave a content sigh and turned back to his game, the mass of chess, shogi, go pieces and playing cards arranged on the board in a manner which only he understood. "Ah, I love humans," he said to himself, "but these Sekirei are really starting to grow on me."


	6. The Offer

I grit my teeth and tried to ignore the burning sensation in my muscles, barely managing to parry Karasuba's thrust in time. As we continued to clash blades on the roof of the mostly empty parking garage, I desperately tried to think of how to get away from the Black Sekirei. She had apparently gotten tired of the little back and forth that the two of us had over the past month and had decided to just finally fight me outright, ambushing me while I was on my way back from work. While I had no interest in fighting her and had spent most of the fight trying to run away, she had relentlessly pursued me from rooftop to rooftop until we ended up at the parking structure. Combat had been going on for about half an hour, and I was starting to tire. It didn't look like I was going to walk away from this one, but if I had read into Karasuba's banter correctly, there was a good chance that she wouldn't kill me after she beat me; she would just turn me into her boy toy instead.

I wasn't quite sure if that was better.

My blocks were getting slower and slower, my exhausted limbs becoming unable to follow my commands. Eventually, Karasuba found a hole in my stance that I hadn't put there and took advantage of it, giving me a well placed kick to my midsection and sending me hurdling into the concrete wall around the edges of the roof. Dazed and in pain, I managed to tilt my head up in time to have the woman put the blade of her katana under it, pressed against my throat.

"Aw, too bad Shiroui-chan," she said in a mocking tone. "It looks like you're going to have to be my plaything from now on. I think Natsuo will appreciate the chance to play with you t-"

That was as far as got before she suddenly jumped back, dodging a sword that flew through the air in the space she was occupying just a moment before. While I normally considered myself accustomed to swords flying through the air, this one caught me off guard because for once, I had nothing to do with it.

Karasuba and I both looked to the side where the blade had come from, and we saw… a man, I think? He was very tall (taller than I was) and was of Semitic decent, with olive colored skin and dark hair. He was dressed only in a pair of simple pants and boots, which showed the most visually striking thing about him: his tattoos. They covered most of his lean body, and mostly seemed to be of leering demonic faces made from various symbols and runes, a few of which I recognized. However, it wasn't because of that that I was uncertain of just what that thing that was stalking towards us was. It wasn't because of the way he held himself reminded me of a predator that considered all else to be beneath him. It wasn't even because his eyes didn't seem to contain anything remotely human, instead just filled with a bloodlust that I had often seen in Karasuba. It was…

Well, to be honest, I wasn't sure what it was. There was just this sense inside me as I looked at the man that he was just WRONG. There was just something missing from him, like he shouldn't exist.

"Oh?" Karasuba remarked with a raised eyebrow. "And who are you? I don't suppose that you happen to be a friend of-"

She was again cut off as the man let out a primal scream and charged the Sekirei, far faster than a normal human could have. In the moment before he cleared the last few feet between the two of them, my Reinforced eyes managed to see the man reaching over his shoulder. With an action that chillingly reminded me of Gilgamesh, what appeared to be a small, black tear in space opened behind him, and from it he drew a black curved black that had the same sense of wrongness about it that he did. It only took the fraction of a second between the drawing of the blade and it crashing against Karasuba's own that I realized just what was causing the sense of wrongness.

I couldn't analyze the blade.

It wasn't like Ea, where looking at it caused me physical pain, or even like the Jinki, which caused my brain to suffer from some kind of divide by zero error. For some reason, my Reality Marble simply didn't acknowledge the thing the man held in his hand, so I just saw it as a sword like any other person normally would. In a way, it also explained the sense of wrongness about the man as well. While I certainly can't analyze living creatures on sight like I can with swords, the part of me that allows me to do so is always on, and subsequently can tell the difference between things. As such, my Reality Marble is capable of recognizing physical objects other than blades, even if I can't Trace them. However, like the blade in his hand, the man was not being seen by my power at all, as if he didn't exist. The feeling of wrongness was coming from the fact that my senses were disagreeing with one another, like hearing a disembodied voice, or walking through what looked like a solid wall.

I wasn't sure if it was the man's intent or just luck on my part, but his attacks drove Karasuba father away from me, the two of them seeming to forget about me entirely as they fought. I only had a few moments to wonder just what the hell was going on before I heard a shout coming from my left. Turning my gaze, I saw about a dozen men in full tactical gear with assault firearms rushing towards me, though they seemed to be more focus on the Sekirei and the… other thing. In fact, when they approached me, the closest asked "Are you alright, sir?"

I blinked in surprise at the man, not expecting him to show concern for my well being. "Ye-yeah. I'll be fine." I managed to stammer out. Who were these people? They didn't have any identifying marks, and I was sure that they weren't from MBI as I had already seen what their tactical squads looked like.

I then heard another voice call out from behind the rest of the squad. "Omega-7, two of you are to keep guard with me and the VIP, and the rest set up a perimeter and keep an eye on Able." The squad of men gave affirmatives, and as they dispersed, I saw another man walking towards me. He was of averaged height with a muscular build, wearing a plain three piece suit and had blond hair in a military cut. Add in the sunglasses and he looked very much the standard 'men in black' stereotype of government agents. There was only one problem with that theory: the smell of magic emanating from the man clearly labeled him as a magus.

"Who are you? Are you from the Mage's Association?" I asked as I shakily got to my feet. The rest of the men present weren't magi at all according to my senses. Needless to say, the fact that a mage seemed to be working directly with normal humans was very strange, if not outright prohibited.

The older man stopped a few feet in front of me and gave me a critical look. "I am Agent Markov, and the organization I work for is not affiliated with Mage's Association."

I raised an eyebrow and gave a wary glance to the two men flanking us. "I suppose that's clear from how you seem to employ non magi." I remarked as I thought the situation over. I didn't have a very extensive knowledge of magic organizations outside of the MA, so it was possible that he was telling the truth. Agent Markov's Japanese had a slight Russian accent to it, so perhaps they were based father east than the MA sphere of influence.

However, the man shook his head. "You misunderstand. My organization is not run by magi. For reasons I'm sure you are aware, it is impractical to have a large number magical practitioners at a given time due to the dilution effect. Given the necessary size of our operation, magi only make up the smallest fraction of our personnel. In fact, I believe it was created without the knowledge of magic's existence at all, only finding that out later. I was the one sent to contact you as it was believed I would have an easier time understanding and negotiating with you."

"What?" I said incredulously. "A non-magic organization that knows of the secret of magic? That's impossible; the Mage's Association would never allow such a thing to exist!"

"Indeed, which is why they think we were destroyed when they assaulted the organization back in the 1800's." Agent Markov gave a smirk. "We'd like for them to keep thinking that."

I stared at the man dumbfounded, not believing what he was implying. "What do you want?"

The man raised an eyebrow of his own. "What my organization wants is to secure the things that threaten the fabric of reality. We want to contain the things that could endanger the world. In short, we wish to protect humanity. Though in a more immediate sense, what we want with you, Shirou Emiya, is to tell you a great many things that we believe will make you agree with our cause." He gave me a weary smile. "I suppose the best place to start would be with your father, or as I knew him, Agent Emiya."

* * *

"So, you're saying that my father worked for this… I'm sorry, what was it called?" I asked Markov.

"The SCP Foundation. We Secure. We Contain. We Protect." He replied. When I gave him a confused look, he shrugged. "It makes sense in English."

I paused in thought for a moment before I gave a hum of understanding as I figured out the acronym. For what must have been the third time, I looked over my shoulder towards the adjacent rooftop where I had last seen Karasuba and 'Able' fighting. Agent Markov and I (as well as the two men in tactical gear guarding us) had moved to one level lower in the parking garage to get out of the way, but I still could see the rooftops from my position. The two inhuman creatures had long left my line of sight, but I could still just hear them fighting.

Turning back to the older magus, I said "I'm sorry, this is just a little hard to believe. I was under the impression that my father had mostly worked freelance."

Markov nodded in consent. "Well, it is true that Kiritsugu Emiya wasn't exactly what I'd call a full time employee of the Foundation. Exceptional assets like magi are given more liberties than normal personnel, and one of his stipulations was that he would be given time to work on his own projects. However, I can safely say that he had spent most of his time working directly or indirectly for us. Enough to give him full Agent status, anyway."

"I see." I said slowly, still not quite believing the man's story. "And what exactly did my father do in your employ?"

A small frown came to Markov's lips. "Before I can tell you that, I need to give you a basic idea of just what it is that we do and what we fight against."

I gave a frown of my own. "You said something about the 'things that threaten reality'?"

"Yes, those things. To put it quite simply, there are things in this world that don't make sense. Things that just shouldn't exist, but do anyway in spite of all laws of physics, magic, and logic. More often than not, these things are incredibly dangerous, sometimes to the point of threatening the entire planet. As such, we lock those things away to keep the rest of the world safe."

"Sounds kind of like Atlas…" I remarked, thinking of one of the Three Great Branches of the MA that specialize in alchemy. From what I could remember, the organization's goal was to devise a way to prevent the end of the world, but did so by keeping things which in turn could destroy the world. I remember hearing a saying that went 'Lift not the seal on Atlas, lest you want the world to be destroyed seven times over.'

The Agent nodded. "Yes, which is why they are the only part of the Mage Association that knows of our existence, and only a select few of the higher ranking members at that. The similarity of our goals has led us to develop a mutually beneficial arrangement. They keep us informed of what's going on the supernatural side, and they get access to some our resources. Also, we sometimes find ourselves exchanging objects that belong more in the other's custody."

I gave a small start of surprise at this, but it was still within the realm of possibility. Atlas was always a very independent organization, and I wasn't unthinkable that some of the higher ups may have tapped outside sources for assistance. Still… "You still haven't really told me what these 'things' that you seal away actually are. If it's some kind of magic you don't know about, then it's probably best to just hand it over to more experienced magi to figure it out. I mean, to me it sounds like this Foundation of yours is trying to control something you don't really understand."

The older magus gave a snort as he peered at me over the rim of his sunglasses. "Boy, while I find your presumptions about things you can't possibly understand amusing, I'm afraid I have to inform you that SCP-Objects aren't magical in the slightest. If your sense for magic was good enough, you probably would have realized that considering you just met one."

I paused in confusion for a moment before the realization hit me. "You mean that… that man?" I said in shock, still not sure how to refer to that thing which saved me from Karasuba. "How is that possible? I thought you said they were objects!"

Markov gave a shrug. "We call them SCP-Objects as an easy way of referring to numerous different things that display anomalous properties. Sometimes it's a physical object, others it a living creature, or maybe a location. If we're lucky, we find ways to negotiate or deal with them, like Able. Really, the only restricting thing we have found for an SCP is that is has to be a noun."

"You know that nouns include ideas, right?" I said, trying to keep the increasingly dark picture he was painting from growing any larger.

He gave me a completely flat expression "Yes, I do."

"… you can't possibility be serious."

"They're called Memetic Hazards, and they're among some of the most dangerous things we have."

"How can you possibly have _ideas_ that break the laws of physics?"

He shook his head. "We don't know. Unfortunately, that doesn't change the fact that they still exist. All the SCP objects seem to ignore the laws of reality in some way or another, but for no discernible reason. Just take Able for example. If you could sense magic, you'd know that he doesn't have any at all, and yet he's just able to pull blades of thin air."

I suddenly thought back to when I was looking at 'Able', and that feeling of unease caused by my Reality Marble being unable to 'see' him. I hadn't picked up the scent of magic from him, true, but I had found the other thing to be far more disturbing. "It's like he didn't exist…" I muttered.

Markov raised an eyebrow at this. "So you did notice, although that's a very interesting way of putting it."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, most magical senses are capable of sensing the physical object if there is one, although they are completely unable to detect any anomalous properties. What this ultimately means is that while magic is capable of seeing and dealing with the effects of SCP-Objects, it is unable to analyze or understand the source of those effects. Still, magic can still be effective in capture and containment."

"Aright, but I still don't see why my comment was so interesting."

He gave me a careful look. "If the rumors flowing around the Clock Tower are true and you do have a Reality Marble, I then I think I may have a theory on why you seem to perceive Able differently than other magi do, and it has to do with the fact that Alaya can't see their existence either."

I blinked in surprise as the man causally referenced the universal will of humanity. Alaya's duty was to protect humanity from extinction, and did so through the use of the Counter Guardians, people who had exchanged eternal service to the force for a miracle. I felt my blood run cold when I thought about just what it was that Markov meant. "Wait, you said that some of these objects could threaten the entire planet. If you're saying that Alaya can't see them…

"Then it can't deploy the Counter Guardians in order to stop it." The Agent completed for me. "For whatever reason, SCP-Objects are so different from what they're supposed to be that The World is just incapable of perceiving them. Alaya might be able to recognize that humanity is in danger, but without being able to see the source of the danger, it can't do anything to stop it."

I felt incredibly unsettled by how calmly the man was talking about the inability of The World to save itself. As dark as it was, there was always a small reassurance in the back of my mind that humanity would go on, as Alaya would ruthlessly crush any major threat, even if it cost a massive number of innocent lives. The fact that humanity no longer had that safety net was a chilling thought. "So, you're telling me that the universal will of humanity is powerless against these things." I said in a tone that came out more nervous than I had intended.

"Oh, I wouldn't say that." Markov replied. "Its power works just fine, like any other magic. The problem is that it just can't perceive the source of the threat. If needed, we can still invoke it's miracles to stop anything that would potently destroy the world. I don't know the total number of personnel who have done so, but I do personally know 2 people who are slated to join the Counter Force upon their death."

I gaped at him slightly as the man continued to describe a rather grim reality so casually. "You seem to be taking this rather lightly…" I remarked.

Markov's expression darkened. "Do not think that just because I am used to the sort of thing means that I don't care. Everyone at the Foundation, myself included, understands the seriousness of our mission. If we fail, the rest of humanity could fall with us. We have to be willing to make any sacrifice to insure that the horrifying things that exist in this world don't end it. That was a fact that your father knew well, and why he was willing to work with us."

Oh right. I had almost forgotten about my father after hearing a tale like that. "So, you're saying my father hunted down and captured things like… that?" I asked, gesturing off in the direction of 'Able'.

"That was the majority of the work he did for us, yes."

I narrowed my eyes at the wording of that response. "What else did he do for you?"

Markov titled his head to the side a little. "You don't really think there could be something as potentially powerful and world ending as the Holy Grail War and for the SCP Foundation not to be involved, do you?"

Oh sweet merciful god, why are there always so many conspiracies when it comes to that blasted war? "I thought my father worked for Einzburns during the 4th war."

"Ostensibly, yes. However, it was arranged by the Foundation that Einzburns would have need of his services, which allowed us to have a mole. This practice has been done for every war, as far as I know. Our participating agents were instructed to win the war for the Foundation or to sabotage the whole thing if that isn't an option. Lord knows that no one would like it if someone from the Association managed to get an unlimited wish."

As I thought about it, it did make a sort of sense considering how every war had somehow ended up without a winner. "And the Foundation would have used the wish for…?"

"Finding a way to get rid of all SCP-Objects." He said. "However, it wasn't exactly known if that would work, considering magic's blindness to the things. Not only that, I did have a working relationship with your father and knew how he thought. I knew that he was probably going to wish for world peace like he had always wanted, but such as it was, I figured that it was a safe enough bet that I didn't bother reporting it."

"But things didn't work out." I said, prompting him to continue.

Markov gave a sigh. "No, they didn't. After the war ended, we tried everything we could to cure Emiya's illness, but it turns out a curse stemming from all the evils of mankind is not exactly easy to get rid of. He told us of how the Grail had been corrupted and how he had set off explosives near the leyline in order to prevent the next war from ever happening. The higher ups decide that the best thing we could do was to let him retire on keep an eye on things. Even after he died, I checked up on you ever year or so as a professional curtsy. It looked like things had quieted down in your part of the world."

"Then the 5th Grail War came 50 years early." I said.

He gave a grunt. "No one at the Foundation saw that coming. We had to scramble to put everything in place before the war began, but we still managed to pull it off. Unfortunately, the agent we had in place wasn't as competent as we thought and ended up getting killed by his own Servant."

I blinked in surprise. "You mean he was Caster's Master?"

"That's the one. To make things worse, the witch learned about the Foundation from him, and with the massive boost in power she was getting from sacrificing all those human lives, she was about to keep us out of Fuyuki City for most of the duration of the war. It took us a while to get back into position after she died, and that was right around the time when that giant ball of corrupted flesh began to form. It was lucky that it was destroyed before we could resort to our contingency plan."

"What would that be? Just start throwing SCPs at it and hope for the best?" I asked with a small amount of humor.

"No, we would have detonated the thermonuclear warhead we had hidden in the Ryuudouji shrine for just such an occasion."

With that, the small amount of levity I had managed wilted and died.

Markov continued, not knowing or not caring about my discomfort. "Anyway, to make a long story short, we continued to keep an eye on you after the war ended, right up until the point where you dropped off the grid due to your Sealing Designation. It was pure luck that I happened to find you again. The Foundation has informants in basically ever major country and corporation in the world, and MBI's no exception. Though it wasn't easy as MBI takes its security seriously, we compiled all the information we could on the Sekirei Plan. I had a high enough clearance, so I gave it a look out of curiosity. When I saw that one of the players was behaving in a rather similar manner to your father, I decided to investigate. When I found out that player was you, I convinced the higher ups to give you an offer."

I was silent for a minute as I digested all the information I had just learned. After a while, I said "This sounds interesting, and something I might even consider, but if you know my part in the Sekirei Plan, you know that I'm not willing to leave it just yet."

"I assure you, that will not be a problem. The Sekirei Plan ends today."

I gave a start of surprise "What?"

Markov gave a small smirk. "Do you really think we'd let a insane man-child like Minaka have control over a small legion of super-powered alien females? The man was going to announce their existence to the world on global television for god's sake." He shook his head. "No, you're not the only target the Foundation moved on today. The operation to take over MBI Headquarters stared about an hour ago, and with our moles in place, their will likely be a minimal loss of life."

My expression darkened at this. "And what will happen to the Sekirei? Are you going to lock them up like everything else you find that you can't make sense of?" Given everything Markov had told me about the Foundation, they didn't seem like the most lenient kind of people.

"Normally, yes." The man said without a hint of hesitation or shame. "However, given the fact that the Sekirei seem to be genuinely benevolent to humanity and that MBI has an extensive amount of data regarding their abilities that we will be acquiring shortly, this will not be necessary. It will be handled far more discreetly than what Minaka had intended, and the Sekirei will still maintain the majority of the freedom. In fact, I believe that as we speak another Foundation representative is negotiating with the No. 01."

I continued to glare at him, still not sure if to believe him. "How can I know if I can trust you?"

"You don't. If you say no, you will be free to continue on with your life. Make no mistake though, after today, we will be managing the lives of the Sekirei whether you join us or not. The best way to insure our intentions is to accept the offer I'm giving you." Markov gave a small shrug and the smirk returned to his face. "If that isn't enough for you, I'm sure we could offer to do something about your Sealing Designation to sweeten the deal. Some of the guys and I have bets on just what your relationship was with those two women you were living with, but whatever the case I'm sure you want to see them again."

_Carrot and stick,_ I thought to myself. My lips pressed into a narrow line as I considered this. The whole tale seemed too unbelievable, but I had to admit there was a possibility that it was true. And if there were these 'things' that threatened the world, I was not at all averse to taking them down. Not only that, if he was telling the truth about MBI, the Sekirei would probably need my help to keep the Foundation from abusing them, and I had a better chance of doing that from within the organization than without.

Eventually, I said. "I'm still not sure if I believe you, but if what your saying does turn out to be true, then I guess working for you is my only option."

A more genuine small crossed Agent Markov's face, and he said "Welcome to the SCP Foundation, Agent Emiya."


	7. Pecking Order

The various Sekirei of the Izumo Inn gathered in the dining, looking nervously at one another. Things in the household had been rather tense ever since Shirou's lovers from England had shown up, seeing as how they were none too happy with their attachment to the man. So when bossy dark haired one had called a meeting, that put everyone on edge.

It was then Rin walked into the room with a chart and a pointer. She also had a smile on her face. The smile was inexplicably terrifying.

Setting the chart down on an easel, she turned to the rest of the group and said in a cheerful voice that was just as creepy as her smile "Alright bimbos, listen up! Rin's about to teach you the pecking order."

Not a good sign. Someone shifting into third person always means bad things.

Rin then pointed to various parts of the chart as she explained in ascending order. "There's you, then there's the dirt, then the worms inside the dirt, then that washing machine Shirou made, then Miya, and then Rin and Saber!" She turned back to the group, her unnaturally happy expression sending shivers down everyone's spine. "Any questions?"

"Uh, Matsu has a quest-"

**BLAM!** Matsu's sentence was cut short when a _Gandr_ bolt impacted her in the forehead, sending her tumbling backwards and into unconsciousness.

"Enjoy the climb back up to consciousness, b*tch!" Rin said, her horrible dissonant smile never leaving her face. "Now, any more questions?"

The rest of the Sekirei shook their heads frantically. There was nothing they could do against this level of crazy.

"I knew I shouldn't have let her back on the internet again..." said Shirou from the doorway, cradling his face in his hand.


	8. The Day the King Died

Saber threw her head back and gave a scream of pain, her body covered in sweat and trembling. She had been in more battles than she cared to remember, and had suffered countless injuries in the course of her lifetime, but this was one of hardest pains she had ever had to endure. She noticed Shriou's hand moving towards her, but she swatted it away. "Shirou, I know you want to help," she said through gritted teeth, "but you are just going to get hurt."

The man gave her a pained expression of his own. "Saber, don't act like you have to do this all on your own."

"Yeah, it's not like we're going anywhere." Rin added from the other side of her. "We're standing by you until this is done. Even if it is Shirou's fault."

Saber managed a small laugh at Shirou's sheepish expression. "I think I am as much to blame for this situation as he is, Rin." She then turned her head to the man in question. "And I did not mean that I wanted you to leave. It is just that, if you held my hand right now, I am quite certain I would shatter it."

"You're almost there, madam. It'll be just a few more minutes." Saber narrowed her eyes to glare at the doctor, but found herself unable to as he was crouched behind the bulge that had become her stomach over the past 9 months. The King of Knights could safely say that this was the most unexpected thing to ever happen to her, though to be fair it had happened at the end of a great deal more unexpected events which preceded it, so maybe she should have been able to extrapolate. On the other hand, this sort of thing should be flat of impossible; she was a Heroic Spirit, and while her current body was very close physiologically to a human's, she was still made out of prana at the most basic level. Certain functions were emulated (_like digestion_, she though thankfully), but she should never have been capable of bearing a man's seed at all. Rin had always been careful to take medication for their… dalliances with Shirou to prevent this kind of thing, but she had never bothered because it was unnecessary.

"Saber-san! Do you best giving birth to Shirou-san's baby!" said a voice from the doorway of the hospital room. Her gaze drifting upwards, Saber caught familiar sight of a busty brunette in a 'shrine maiden' outfit, if you could call it that. Musubi was giving her one of her customary carefree smiles while her eyes glitter like stars.

Saber's glaring resumed on her new target. While the King would never say so out loud, she secretly considered those alien creatures which had attached themselves to Shirou to be to be the truly guilty party for her current state. The status of the Sekirei's relationship with the man had been 'under negotiation' as Rin had liked to put it ever since the two of them had reunited with him, but that didn't change the fact that they had already bonded with him somehow. She was vaguely aware that this resulted in some physical changes in the creatures, and Rin had theorized that this had caused some changes in Shriou as well. Saber had no idea what could have happened that would have allowed him to impregnate beings made of prana, but she was willing to accept it for the sake of having something to blame for her current suffering.

Shirou, despite her reassurances, continued to fret over her. Looking over his shoulder, he said "Are sure the doctors can handle this? You know how she's… different."

"Shriou, I think I know a thing or two about childbirth." replied the dry voice of his mother behind him. While Saber had originally wanted only Shirou and Rin in the room with her for this, Takami had insisted (not unreasonably) that she be present for the birth of her grandchild. Considering that and the fact that as soon as she found out she had gone to considerable lengths to ensure that both Saber and the child would be fine with regards to her… condition, Saber conceded that it would be dishonorable to refuse her. "Don't worry, MBI has the most advanced medical technology in the world, and I've put in enough hours in the lab to be sure there shouldn't be any problems despite her 'differences'. Your wife is going to be fine."

Saber suffered a brief moment of confusion before remembering that Takami was talking about her. _Right, I'm Shriou's… wife_, she thought, idly glancing at the ring on her left hand as the unfamiliar concept floated through her mind. Once Takami had found out about Saber's pregnancy, the very stern (and rather intimidating) woman had told her and Shriou that they were getting married, and left no room for discussion to the contrary. In truth, neither had particularly minded this (The King in her recognized the sense and importance of having a clear lineage). They loved each other and wanted to spend their lives with each other, it was just that for various reasons they never decided to go that far.

One reason was the fact that she didn't have any actual legal identity, so that made things a bit problematic. However, Takami had apparently pulled some strings with MBI to make her one, though Saber was quite sure the whole thing was legally questionable. The other reason was Rin, or more accurately, the fact that polygamy was not legally recognized in most countries. Indeed, her master had been upset at first (as were the Sekirei, but she had trouble caring about them), but was coming to deal with it.

Though she might not have to for long. Saber remembered overhearing Takami say that Shirou's father was currently working on getting Japan's marital laws reformed. Considering how much wealth, power, and focus the eccentric man could bring to bear when the whim stuck him, Saber was glad that he was focused on something much more constructive than his previous endeavor.

Saber reviewed all of this in her head, mostly as a way to distract herself. This turned out to be ineffective when she felt another contraction and gave another scream of pain. She had hoped that her toughness due to her Heroic Spirit nature would lessen the suffering, but it seemed that was not to be. The already bent guard rails to her bed groaned in protest, once again showing that her decision to not hold Shriou's hand was a wise one.

Takami must have caught her expression, as she said. "Don't worry my girl, it will all be over soon."

Saber didn't look at the woman, partly because she was too busy with the pain, but also because she didn't want the shrewd woman to see how afraid she truly was. It wasn't the actual birth that scared her; she knew pain, and while this was bad, it was not the worst she had endured. She had no particular worries about things going wrong either as Takami had been very thorough in her work. No, what worried the Servant was something else, something much more unfamiliar and terrifying. It was just…

_What if I am unable to love my child?_

When she had become King of Britain, she had accepted that she could never grow close to anyone. She knew that to become King meant that she would no long be human, that she would become more of a symbol or ideal in the eyes of her people. As such, she shut herself off from her emotions, and became the distant ruler which everyone eventually came to distrust. Given that her entire life was as such, she had come to believe that she wasn't even capable of feeling romantic emotions for other people.

And then she met Shriou and Rin.

Personaly, Saber considered it a twofold miracle that she was able to find love in other people, and that they in turn loved her back. However, it was painful for her at times. She would never tell the two of them this, but she often felt… inadequate as a lover for them. While they never indicated otherwise, she was often afraid that she wasn't doing things right, or she wasn't expressing how much she cared about them properly, that only if she hadn't spent a lifetime of loneness and isolation she could be the person they deserved.

A small, traitorous part of her wondered if what she was feeling was love at all, and it wasn't just the lonely King trying to fool herself for her own selfish wants. How would she, the one who cut herself from others, know what love was?

_The king does not understand human emotions._

Saber bit her lip in fear, only barely hearing the doctor telling her to push. Those words had haunted her after her death, and drove her to fight in the Grail War to fix her mistakes. She now knew that it was foolish to do so, but those words haunted her still, coming to her in the dark and when she was alone, making her wonder if she ever truly could love and be loved. If she wasn't certain, how could she possible think she could raise a child?

The dark thoughts abated briefly, as Saber gave a final scream which was joined by a much smaller one. She panted while she fought through the haze of pain and numbness, making out phases of "It's a boy!" and "Congratulations!" It was a few minutes before she could think clearly again, and unfortunately the dread and terror came back with it. Now is where the nightmare truly began. What kind of parent could a person like her possibly be? Should she just hand the child over to Shriou and Rin, who would most assuredly be better parents? But if she did, she would just be running away, and be nothing more to the child that a distant figure, a King that knew not humanity.

Then a baby was put into her arms and every thought she ever had simply faded to nothing.

The child had been crying up until the moment it was given to her. However, when the boy looked up into her face, he stopped and looked at her in an almost curious manner. After a long moment of the two staring at each other, a smile emerged on the baby's expression, and a giggle came from his lips as he reached with his small arms to touch her face.

She then did something she had never done: she began to cry in joy.

In that moment, there was no King. In that moment, there was no Servant. In that moment, there was no Saber. There was only Arturia, the woman and mother of the child which she held in her arms.

"Saber?" Shirou said hesitantly, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Are you alright?"

Arturia turned to her husband, the father of her child, with tears in her eyes and the brightest smile she ever had on her face. "I-I'm a mother." she said between her happy sobs. "This is our son, Shirou."

Shirou's face broke into a smile of his own, and his eyes watered as well. He embraced her in a hug and she leaned into him, laughing and crying as she held onto their son. She had no doubts now. She loved her child, and nothing could make it otherwise. She had husband (and soon to be wife as well) that she loved and was loved in return. She had that family that she deep down always knew she wanted.

On that day, the King died. It was the happiest day of Arturia's life.


	9. Number 67 - Slender Sekirei

Takato Fujikama ran as fast as his tired legs would allow, only his only breathlessness keeping him from screaming in terror. The lights in the hall were off, having gone out a few minutes ago, so he only had the shaky light of his own flashlight to guide him. The MBI scientist had always used to think it was cool that he worked in a secret underground base underneath the main tower, but now he wish there were some windows so he could actually get some light.

Or more importantly, a way out.

_This wasn't supposed to happen! This was never supposed to happen!_, he thought frantically to himself as he tried to find his way back through the labyrinth of corridors to the elevator. It might have been his imagination, but he could swear he just barely heard the screams of the other scientists echoing through the passageway behind him. He stole back a glance, and he swore he could see _it_ standing some distance away. He whipped his head back around, gibbering "Don't look back, don't look back!"

He had first joined with MBI because it was one of the fasting growing medical companies in the world, and when he had found out he'd be working on alien babes that could fall unconditionally in love with humans, he was ecstatic (and secretly hoped that he would get one of his own). But this was something else. This was something horrifying beyond all logic and reason. When he had met Karasuba, Takato had thought she was the worst their species had to offer.

And that might be still true. He wasn't sure if the thing he was running from counted as a Sekrei anymore.

As he rounded a corner, he gave a nearly strangled cry of relief as he saw the service elevator and bolted towards it, nearly fracturing his finger as he rapidly jammed the call button. While a lot of the data management and maintenance was handled in the MBI tower, all of the actual theory and experimentation was handled in the lower levels. It was partly for security reasons. Well, really it was entirely for two different security reasons. One was to keep competitors and governments out of their labs. The other… was to keep the things in their labs from getting out.

Takato could hear the whirring of the elevator motor, but it was going far too slow. He didn't turn around to look behind him. He couldn't. He didn't want to see it there. They had thought that they had learned the worst of what could go wrong in the adjustment process with numbers 7 and 8. A substantial increase in power in exchange for the ability to get winged. There were some mental consequences as well, but it wasn't yet determined if those were biological or psychological in nature. Still, when Takato had heard that another one ended up being scrapped, he thought he had a general idea of what was wrong with it.

He had no idea how wrong he was. How wrong _it_ was. _It_ was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong wrong wrong wrong wrongwrongwrongwrong-

A small crackle of noise to his left made him scream in terror before he realized that it was the intercom. A male voice spoke out of it and said "Hello? Is anybody getting this? We've lost contact with you about ten minutes ago and we're showing some power fluctuations. Is everything aright down there?"

Takato mashed his hand on the intercom button. "NO! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GET ME OUT OF HERE! PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON"T LET IT GET ME!"

"Sir? What's wrong? I need you to calm down. What's trying to get you?"

"Number 67!" Takato screamed into the intercom. "Number 67 is lo-"

His voice caught in his throat. The man on the intercom was saying something, but he couldn't hear it over the pounding of his own heart. _It_ was behind him. There wasn't any noise, but he could feel _it_. A hand came around to touch his face, almost gently turning him around.

Takato's last moments were filled with the nightmare and madness that he and his fellow scientist had created.

* * *

I gave a small sigh of frustration as I looked around Osaka Park, trying to find something new which I somehow didn't see over the past few hours. People had been seen in this area shortly before going missing for the past week or so, and I wanted to find out why. I had considered putting traps in my favored battle ground area, but I had never gotten around to it, so I was sure that this wasn't somehow my fault. Normally I would have brushed it off, saying that the normal authorities could take care of it.

Then I had learned from Matsu that No. 67 had escaped from MBI labs around the same time the disappearances started.

To be honest, I could find out that much about the third Scrapped number. It was like all of the information related to it wasn't even hidden, it was just gone. I didn't know if this was something MBI did after it escaped, but that was something to consider for a later date. Right now, even though it was just a hunch, I needed to find 67 before the Sekirei hurt anyone else. I had kind of been hoping that my wandering around the area would draw it out (Or hell, maybe a normal human serial killer that was doing it if I was wrong), but so far I had no luck.

I gave a look up at the sky and was surprised by how dark it had gotten. I guess I was out later than I thought. Actually, it was surprising that it could get this dark at all considering I was still in the middle of the city. I turned on my flashlight and took a look around me, and then found to my annoyance that I was completely lost. Osaka Park was deceptively big, and while the trees were withered and dying, there were places where they were packed close enough together that they obscured vision after more than a few dozen feet. Still, it wasn't that big. I decided to pick a direction and keep walking, as I would eventually find my way out.

However, I didn't get far before a small flash of white got my attention. Bringing my flashlight to bear, I found, oddly enough, what looked to be a piece of paper pined to a tree. Hoping I had finally found a clue, I walked over and pulled it off. Looking at the paper, I was confused by its contents, but for some reason I felt the hairs on the back of neck rise in warning.

There wasn't much, to be honest. There were a few scratch marks, along with some elongated stick figures. Most prominently though, there was one sentence that took up most of the page, written in large frantic letters.

DON'T LOOK OR IT TAKES YOU

I had the feeling that getting out of the park might be a little trickier than I thought.


	10. Another Morning

I awoke to a rather interesting sight that morning. Namely, the sight of what appeared to be a small lion sitting on my chest and glaring at me intensely.

"Gao!" It proclaimed as it moved closer to my face. "Gaaaaaaoooo!"

Even in my sleepy haze, I managed to give it a dry look after glancing at the clock. "You know, if you had waited another five minutes I would have gotten up on my own."

"But I'm hungry _now_!" The young lion cub, or more accurately my youngest daughter Lily, insisted. Dressed as she was in her full suit lion pajamas, the precocious 7 year old had adopted the mannerism of the large cat to ensure that her morning meal was prompt (something I was sure she inherited from her mother). I bleary wonder why Rin wasn't making breakfast for a moment before I remember that she and our daughter Aoi were back at her estate in Fuyuki for the weekend, collecting materials and books for some of the finer points of Tohsaka magecraft. And given the fact that my eldest son Minato was likely training at the moment given the early hour, that left me as the greatest hope Lily had for her stomach.

Lily got on all fours as she tried to look imposing, though that was a little difficult as she had to blow her ahoge out of her green eyes. "It's you duty as head of the pride to provide food for the rest of us. If you can't, I'll just have to eat you!" And with that she pounced on me and began playful gnawing on my arm.

She was tiny, but fierce.

I suppressed a grimace and rolled my eyes at her drawing parallel between our family and a pack of lions. Even if it did hold a grain truth to it. "You know," I spoke up, "With lions, it's actually the females who do all the hunting."

My daughter stopped her assault on my limb to look back at me. "Of course they do!" she exclaimed, giving me a 'duh' look. "And then the male lion cooks the food and serves it to the females!"

I was about to ask where she was getting these facts on lions before a very loud and intimidating growl echo through the bedroom. I was caught off guard and for a moment thought that an actual lion might have somehow got into the room before experience caught up to me and I glanced to my right. Arturia shifted a bit in her position next to me, undoubtedly having been woken up by all the ruckus occurring in our bed. Or at least her stomach had woken up. Without opening her eyes, she pulled back a little and planted her foot against me. "Shirou, stop wasting time arguing when you could be cooking." And with that she gave me a shove that sent me tumbling out of bed.

Lily had the foresight to jump off of me, and was thus still on the bed as I crashed into the opposite wall. Satisfied that I was now up an about, she proceeded to curl up against her mother, who in turn wrapped her arm around her daughter instinctively. As I got up and rubbed the back of my head, I couldn't keep a wistful smile from crossing my lips as I look down at the two of them.

Just another morning of happily ever after, I suppose.


	11. A Soul of Fire - Devils Will Cry

"So, what's with those blades of yours?" Homura asked Shirou one day out of curiosity.

"You mean the Black Keys?" Shirou replied. "What do you mean what's with them?"

"Well, why do you wield them three in each hand? That can't be practical."

"Really?" Miya spoke up with interest. "That does indeed sound like an unusual style."

"Well, those of my profession do focus a lot on grip strength to make it possible, but a lot of it has to do with the fact that the blades are meant to be thrown. Strong as they are, the usually aren't enough to go toe to toe with the various creatures we have to face." He gave a shrug. "I'm somewhat of an exception as I can enhance the blades' power even further, but I still find it usefully to carry a ton of them on me and throw them as part of my fighting style."

Matsu quirked an eyebrow. "How strong are they normally?"

"Enough to pierce concrete." The deacon replied. "Still, that's pretty weak compared to some of the other stuff I've seen. As such, my style has a lot of movement and agility to compensate."

"Hmm," Miya hummed as a coy smile spread on her face. "I should think that I would like to see this style of yours."

That statement filled Homura with a sense of apprehension, a feeling which was not helped when his Ashikabi got a gleam in his eye and said. "Sure. Got any large structures you need demolished?"

* * *

A short while later the lot of them found themselves at a construction yard. Apparently Miya had called her acquaintance Seo to see if there was anything that fit the bill for Shirou request for a target, and there just so happened to be a giant slab of concrete that needed to be torn apart. The slab was standing upright and Shirou was standing in front of it looking at it thoughtfully.

"Yep, this will do." He finally said.

It was then Rin, who had been out abusing her new MBI card to buy gems, showed up. "Hey, I got the call. What are we all doing here?"

"Shirou-tan is going to show us his fighting style!" Matsu's said, her voice emanated from a toy duck held in Miya's arms.

Rin looked at Shriou, then at the slab of stone, then at Shirou again before her eyes widened and she palmed her face. "Oh dear lord, not this again."

"Not what again?" Homura asked.

"You'll see." She said with a groan.

Miya ignored this exchange and said "Well Shirou-kun? Are you going to show us this style of yours or not? Perhaps you should start simple if you're feeling nervous."

Shirou gave the landlady a grin. "Well…"

It was then Homura heard music begin to play. "Is that Spanish guitar?" he muttered to himself before turning around. He was simultaneously surprised and unsurprised to see Nero standing behind the group, strumming a guitar in a fast, light tune. She also was wearing some kind of shoes that looked like they would make clacking sounds when taped against the ground.

Before the fire Sekirei could question this, Shirou suddenly reached into his over coat and pulled out three blades in each hand. "First I whip it out!"

He jumped into the air towards the slab, tossing the blades at it he did so. The swords sunk in about half way, but he was far from done. He landed feet first against the concrete, and somehow ran a short distance on it. "Then I thrust it!" He pulled out more blades and drove them into the rock, doing so with each syllable for emphasis. "With great force!"

Homura felt his face begin to heat up. The rather… suggestive subtext of what Shirou was saying was not lost on him. Nor on the rest of the people present judging by their expressions.

The deacon then leapt off the slab, sending himself a great deal into the air. As he flew, he twisted and danced, pulling blades from nowhere and throwing them as he spun in a fluid motion. "From every angle," he somehow managed to strike elaborate poses as he threw the blades at impressive speeds. "it penetrates!"

As Homura watched (and was slightly mortified), he idly though how much it really did look like his Ashikabi was dancing to the music that his wife was playing. Nero had always remarked how performance was her favorite form of art. He guessed she rubbed off on him a little.

Still falling through the air, Shirou threw another sextuple blades and said "Until, with great strength," He pulled back one last blade before launching it at the center of stone. "I ram it in!" It was then the male Sekirei realized that the blades were not thrown at random. They had been put into the shape of a heart, with the last blade in the center.

His Ashikabi landed, striking a pose looking away from the slab with a rose in his mouth (Homura had no idea where the rose came from). Talking around the flower, he said "In the end," and clapped his hands. The blades in the concrete that made the heart shape suddenly exploded in sequence, causing the rest of the material to fall away and leave a clean shape of rock standing on a point "we're all satisfied."

Shirou spun in place, grabbing and tossing the rose at the structure. "And you are set free…" he all but whispered. When the rose touched the final blade in the center, it too exploded, causing the heart to split down the center and fall over.

The assembled group was silent, both at the impressive display and the uncomfortably large amount of innuendo they had just seen. Eventually Rin yelled "Damn it, why did you have to do that again?! You know how embarrassing it is!"

"Nonsense." Nero retorted. "That performance was spectacular as always. Besides, I could tell you were still paying very close attention despite your protests."

Rin sputtered, her already red face turning even redder. "T-That's because I couldn't look away.! It's like a train wreck!"

"A train wreck of two trains made of manliness and awesome!" Matsu piped in from her duck microphone, giggling perversely as she did so.

Miya held a hand to her face a faint blush visible. "That was certainly… interesting. It suppose it's good that we did this somewhere other than the inn, or I would have felt obliged to punish you."

Homura just groaned and once again reconsidered how he felt about having this man as his Ashikabi.


	12. A Soul of Fire - A Meeting of Equals

In the few years I had been an Executor, I had been sent on numerous missions involving monsters, death and destruction on large scales (some of which I may have been responsible for). So it came as somewhat of a surprise when then sent me to check out a high school which supposedly had students with extraordinary abilities. I figured it would be an easy mission; just go in and assess the situation, nothing complicated.

Then Nero met the student body president. Things sort of... escalated after that.

"So, I see that you are capable of giving a magnificent performance, Medaka-san." Nero said, still standing tall in spite of the destruction around her.

"You are quite impressive yourself, Nero-san." The blue hair woman replied, also seemingly untouched by the catastrophe around her. Opening a fan over her face, she continued "I must say, I do not believe you are a standard Abnormal at all."

Me and a few other people stood off to the side, our mouths slack at what we had just witnessed. It had stated when we had first met President Medaka Kurokami to discuss the details of something call the 'Flask Plan' or some such, when Nero had made a comment on how elegant Medaka's handwriting was, though she could do better. Medaka asked for proof, to which the emperor obliged. After a moment of study, the blue hair woman then miraculously copied my wife's skill.

Not wanting to settle it there, the two women then engaged in a series of contests and battles to prove their superiority. The challenges ranged from normal (unarmed combat, track and field, strategy games) to the strange (underwater basket weaving). The really strange part was that when either one had any appreciable amount of skill over the other, the second would only have to observe the first for a short time before they could mimic the first's skill. I knew of Nero's Imperial Privilege, but the idea that someone else could copy skills was unsettling.

"It's like looking into some kind of mirror..." I heard the man next to me say. He was a blonde haired young man who wore a track jersey under his uniform. I looked back at the two women who stood proudly among the ruins of what used to be the PE building. _Hmm, the omnidisciplinary skill, the prideful personalities, the... proportions_... I thought. Yeah, they were uncannily similar. I turned back to look at the man. "So, I'm guessing you're her's, right?"

The man, Zenkichi I think his name was, looked at me like he was about to protest, but paused. After a moment he just hung his head and said "Oh who am I kidding, I really am her's aren't I?"

I patted him on the back. "I feel your pain, brother."

Nero finally gave a satisfied huff and strode forward. "I am impressed that you managed to keep up with me. I am an Olympic champion whose skill and art are unrivaled throughout the Earth."

Medaka walked forward as well. "Everyday I put my whole being into serving my fellow man. I am not allowed to fail, so I must push myself every day to my fullest."

The two met in the center of the floor, meeting ample chest to ample chest. Both gave each other a coy smile, but I could tell that the fight was far from over. For one thing, their ahoges had started fencing somehow.

Me and Zenkichi gave a simultaneous groan. This was going to be a long assignment.


	13. Swim Lesson

"Saber! Why don't you come in the water with us? It's every refreshing." Shirou called out from pool.

"I am just fine where I am, Shirou." Saber said stiffly from where she was standing at the pool's edge. Though the Clock Tower usually spent its luxury money and frivolous ostentation and art work, some of it did go to its public faculties. On such faculty was a recreational center, which happened to have an outdoor pool. When a particularly good stretch of warm weather came to London, her master had decided that it would be a good time to make use of it.

"Oh come on Saber." Rin called out, treading water next to Shirou. "We didn't come here just so could stand in the sun. Besides, I got you that swimsuit just for this."

Saber had to force herself not to cover her body with her arms as she remembered what she was wearing. Her master had told her that it was called a 'bikini', but really it just seemed like a strip of white cloth around the chest and another around the nethers. She usually wore under things more substantial than this! Though this wasn't the first time her mater had suggested she wear something… exposing, this was the first time she had done so outside of her home. "I simply do not see the need to enter the water is all."

"Why not?" Shirou asked as he paddled closer to her and rested his arms on the lip of the pool. "Didn't you ever spend time relaxing by swimming in lakes or ponds in the old days?"

Saber looked off to the side. "I was much too busy for those sorts of things. My training for knighthood when I was a child prevented me from participating in such frivolousness. Even more so with my duties as a King as I got older."

Shirou frowned at her for a moment, as if mulling over her statement. Then his face lit up like he had a thought. "Wait, are you saying that you never learned how to swim?"

Saber felt her face blush at this. "O-of course not!" She said as the man hit the nail right on the head. "That is utterly preposterous! And besides, even if that was true, I can walk on water, thus making learning the skill irrelevant!"

"That's probably why you don't know how in the first place..." Shirou muttered. "Tell you what, why don't I teach you now?"

"What?" She said in surprise. "I don't know..."

"Yeah, that's a great idea!" Rin said as she pulled herself out of the water. "Besides, it'd be a waste if you didn't get at least a little wet." Her master then gave a small leer and wrapped her arms around her Servant, her wet body soaking what little clothes Saber had on.

After much more blushing on the former King's part, she eventually found herself standing in the shallow end of the pool with her two lovers. "Alright," Shirou said. "Let's start with something simple. Try floating on your back."

Saber gave a small scoff at this. Honestly, that was a little basic. All she had to do lay down-

Naturally, the moment she tried this she started to sink. She flailed wildly for a few moments before Shirou and Rin pulled her back up to the surface. "Geez, you're too stiff," Rin said. "It's like you have a metal pole up your spine."

"A-a King must always have good posture." The blonde woman sputtered.

"Well, I think even a King must make allowances for the laws of buoyancy." Shirou remarked dryly. "Alright, try it again, but this time let yourself relax and curve at the middle."

She didn't quite succeed that time either, but she didn't get too far down before the other two reach down to support her. Rin gave her a gentle push on her middle to coax her into position, and soon the two had let go of her and she was floating on her own. After a moment she had forgotten her trepidation and was experiencing the rather novel sensation of weightlessness. True, she had been in tubs before, but this was much more… free and open. In spite of her herself, a small smile formed on Saber's face.

"See? I told you it was fun." Shirou said, looking down on her with a smile of his own. "Now, on to the actual swimming."

Saber was then flipped onto her stomach, her and Shirou's forearms griping each other to keep her afloat. He then gently led her around the shallow end, instructing her how to kick her feet. In no time she was quickly learning what was apparently called the 'doggie paddle'. It put her into a mildly embarrassing pose, but she quickly ignored it for the oddly thrilling sensation of moving about the water on her own power. For someone who had been bestowed the favor of the Lady of the Lake, she wondered why she had never done this sooner.

Eventually Saber came to a stop and only briefly flailed before finding purchase beneath her feet again. "That was… pleasant." She finally settled on. "I never knew that being in water could be this… fun."

"Oh, there are even more fun things to do in the water." Rin said, a smile slowly forming on her face again.

"Like what?" Saber asked.

She was genuinely curious about what her master was talking about until Rin's smile turned into a rather familiar leer. The last thing she heard before the dark haired woman pounced on her and sent them both under the water was Shirou's panicked cry of "Rin! Not in public!"


	14. Breaking Down

I sat alone in my room, the dohicky in my hands as I absentmindedly went over my research. I could hear the party my Sekirei were throwing down stairs for Rin and Saber. I had decided against going down myself as my presence would probably cause things to escalate and Miya would have to step in, plus I had some research which I still needed to do.

Or at least, that's what I kept telling myself.

The conversation I had heard in the baths kept playing over and over again in my head. For most of it, Rin had been either friendly or cold and calm, like when she was explaining what she had done to me over the years. But there was one thing she said that had just a hint of something more behind it, a crack in her self control.

_I want you all to know that I hate you_, she said. _All of you. I will never forgive any of you for this._

That had been personal. And it was a small wonder why considering what she had claimed just before that. I still had trouble believing it though. I racked my memories trying to prove her wrong, but no matter how much I thought about it, I could only come to one conclusion.

In all the years I had spent with Rin and Saber, I had never once laughed.

I had smiled. I had felt mirth. I had appreciated things in spite of what she might have said. But I had never laughed at anything. The thought was strange and unsettling to me. How had I never noticed this before? _I should have known, I should be aware of myself enough to-_. My thoughts cut off when I realized it. No, no I wouldn't have. I don't think about myself.

My two former lovers had told me this time and time again, but I had never really listened. It just hadn't been relevant to me. Of course I should focus on other people. That was the right thing to do. If I made other people happy, I would be happy, and therefore everything would be fine in the end. It had only been somewhat recently that the idea that others might have been concerned about my personal well being had come into my mind. Homura's passionate declaration a few hours ago in particular drove it home. I had been with my Sekirei for a few months, but it had taken all of that time for me to realize just how much my behavior was distressing them. I wasn't supposed to hurt other people and yet… by doing what was right and natural for me, I had somehow done just that.

The cognitive dissonance of this fact filled me with a sense of disquiet, an uneasiness that I couldn't shake. But it was even worse than that. I didn't want to think about it but my mind could only follow that path down to a terrible thought.

I had spent several months with the Sekirei. I had spent several _years_ with Rin and Saber. Several years, all the while they had been trying to, well, make me better. How Rin went about it might have been questionable, but the effort was still there. I never laughed once with them.

The plastic on the device in my hands creaked as I griped it. How much had I hurt them?

These thoughts were pushed aside when the door to my room opened, and my body became tense at the sight of the two women in question walking in. "Oh? Is this were you have been hiding, Emiya-kun?" Rin asked in a cheerful voice.

Considering my most recent thoughts, I suddenly found myself with a lack of things to say to the two women now that we were alone for the first time in months. There were so many things going through my mind, I was a little surprised when I blurted out. "Why are you here?"

There was only the briefest moment of stiffness on their parts before they relaxed, and Rin continued in her playful tone. "Well, we had our fill of the party, so we came up here to see you. Of course, I expected you to have better manners than that, even after all this time."

I briefly considered just accepting her brush off and moving on, but I couldn't. I had to know. "Rin, you know what I mean. How did you find me?"

The magus looked at me flatly for a moment, but Saber was the one to respond. "We had reasoned that you had returned to Japan when you fled, to keep away from the Mage's Association's influence. When we became aware that a member of the Archibald and Fraga families had gone missing in this city, it seemed like a good place to start looking. It was only a mater of investigation after that to find where you lived."

Rin shot her an annoyed glace before giving a sigh. "Really Emiya-kun, I would have thought that you would have had enough sense to run after the first encounter. But I guess that there was too much keeping you here."

I tried to ignore the subtle jab while I thought about this. That was certainly a how, but it didn't quite explain the why. Someone else might have pointed out that them wanting to be with me was why enough, but I could tell that there was more going on. Still, seeing them here felt good. "I… thank you for coming. I missed you, no matter what you might think."

Saber gave a concerned frown and moved closer to me. "Why would we think otherwise?"

"I believe he is referring to that group of excitable aliens down there." Rin said dryly. "Why, they even have a schedule for who gets him and when. It seems that after having the two of us, Emiya-kun can't be satisfied by just one woman."

Saber blushed a little at this, and I frowned. "It's not like that. Things just… got out of hand. Besides, technically I'm still part of your harem, so logically that means their part of yours as well." Rin blinked in surprise and sputtered a little at the comment. I couldn't help but chuckle at little at the response… until I saw Saber looking at me out of the corner of my eye, her expression a mix happiness and melancholy. I realized what I was doing and the laughter died instantly, a cold pit settling in my stomach. I looked down at the ground, and it was a while before I said in a soft voice "I never really did laugh with you did I?"

Rin got over her embarrassment quickly, her eyes focusing on me. "Now why would you say-" she paused, and her eyes widened in realization. "You were eavesdropping on the baths, weren't you." It was not a question, and her tone had taken a chill to it.

I shifted under the scrutiny of her gaze. "Well, really I happened to find Homura and Miya eavesdropping first, but… yes. It was… enlightening."

Saber grumbled, but she still looked a little embarrassed. "That was not meant for you to hear." She said quietly.

Rin's expression lingered for a moment long before it shifted again, changing into the controlled smirk she used when she didn't want anyone to know what she was really thinking. "I would imagine. So Emiya-kun, how does it feel to know that I manipulated you into who you are now? You're probably angry, but it was a rather clever bit of work on my part if I do say so my-"

"I'm sorry."

"…huh?" Rin said, thrown off balance by my unexpected response.

"I'm sorry that I never listened to you two. About me." I was somewhat upset about what Rin did, but I understood why. There was something else that weighed more heavily on me at the moment. "5 years we've been together, and I never thought how much I was hurting you by… being me. I never tried to change for you, in spite of all you did for me. I didn't… I wish…" I had to swallow down the lump in my throat. "I wish I could have been someone you made laugh."

The room was dead silent. Rin and Saber looked at me with wide eyes, their mouths open. Rin in particular had lost her composure, her body trembling slightly as she tired to form words that wouldn't come. It was something the two of them would have never expected me to say, and I had no idea how they would respond.

Whatever I was thinking though, I didn't expect Rin's face to slowly twist into one of anger and for her to clear the distance between us to slap me.

"Rin!" Saber said in shock as I reeled back. Looks like she wasn't expecting it either.

"No! You don't just apologize for this!" She screamed at me, her self-restraint gone and her eyes wet with tears. "All those years I was trying to make you better, you don't get to say that now! Not to me! Not after I failed you!"

"Rin, what…?" I said as I stumbled back from her. She wasn't making any sense. "I thought you were trying to-"

"I didn't want you like this!" she continued to yell. "I wanted to make you an actual person, but the best I could do was turn you into your father! You're not realizing this now because of anything we did, your doing it because… because…" her voice started to hitch, as if she couldn't continue.

It was Saber who finished in a sad tone. "Because your Sekirei made you able to realize it." Her fists were clenched at her sides as she said this, her knuckles white.

The Sekirei bond. It had done more for me in a few months then they had managed in a few years. It was breaking their hearts to see how useless they had been compared to the bunch of alien women who had stumbled into my life. The fact that only the Sekirei's connection to me had gotten myself along to the point where I realized how much I had hurt the two women in front of me only made it worse.

"Why couldn't I help you?" Rin said bitterly, looking down at the floor. "Why wasn't I good enough?"

I stole a glance at Saber for help, but I saw the look of shame in her eyes that told me she felt the same way. I wanted to tell them they were wrong. I wanted to tell them they had done all they could for me, that they were better to me than they ever should have been. But I couldn't. I wouldn't have even known that was the case if things hadn't turned out the way they had. "I, I didn't mean for this to happen." I said helplessly.

"We know." Saber said softly, her eyes starting to water as well. "This isn't your fault. But the truth remains; your Sekirei are better for you than we were."

I felt like a knife twisted itself in my gut to hear my Saber say that.

"And you know what the really kicker is, Shirou? The real reason I'm here?" Rin said, still using her bitter tone. "I'm here to take you home. The Clock Tower has tasked me with putting you as a Sealing Designate under my care. I had to make a lot of promises, too."

My mind worked rapidly at that. She had did it. The brilliant woman did as she promised and found a way for me to come home. She found a way for everything to be right again…

But then she found me, and the mess I had gotten myself into. Bringing me home would mean the Clock Tower would find out about the Sekirei and Jinki, which would likely lead to the death of the former and the misuse of the later. They couldn't bring me back, and by the sound of it, Rin would be ended if she came back without me. Not only that, she had found me with several more women who had managed to succeed with me where she and Saber failed. In this one day, she had gone from getting me back to losing almost everything, and there was nothing she could do about it.

I felt another knife twist in my heart for my Rin.

"But the Sekirei have made that impossible." Saber said, her voice becoming hard as she regained control of herself. "Now our only option is to run."

"Why?" I heard myself say despondently. "Why can you stay?"

"Because _they_ took everything from us." Rin said, venom leaking into her voice as she spoke of the women downstairs. "I can't go back because of them. And… they took you away from us." She took a breath to calm herself down. "No, if I stayed, I'm not sure I could keep myself from hating them, even if it really isn't there fault. Besides, what's for us here?"

There was only one thing. "I am." I said.

The two looked at each other before looking back at me. "All things considered, I don't think that it is enough, Shirou." Saber said sadly.

I hung my head down, frustration and helplessness burning in my chest. I choked out the one thing I could say. "I love you."

"Really?" Rin said, her tone not quite believing. "How do we know this isn't another thing which those aliens gave you?"

"No!" I shouted as I slammed my fist into the wall, it being my turn for the emotions inside of me to burst forth. "I've always loved you! I wasn't always right about it and oh God if I could I would give anything to go back to those days and do things right, but I always loved the two of you!" The two flinched back at my outburst. I lowered my voice somewhat, but it was still filled with everything I had held inside since I first saw them. "I've missed you. I've missed you so much. Just… please don't go."

There was silence between us, the air charged with all that we still wanted to say. Then Saber took a step towards me and slowly pressed her lips to mine. It did not stay slow for long, as soon the kiss turned fierce, arms wrapped around each other as the strain all our time apart came crashing down. Moments later the embrace was cut short and I found Rin standing close to me, her own mouth finding mine with same amount of desire and passion as I had with Saber. The three of us then fell ungracefully to the floor, too concerned with other matters to care about anything else.

There were no words other than cries and moans to be had after that. All the emotion that we had locked inside of us was brought to bear as we consummated. Nine months of worry and separation. The joy at seeing each other again. The despair of what had happened. The frustration and anger at the unfair world. The desperation of what we wished things could be. We gave all of it to each other, and for that time we were one again. All that night, there was only one thought on our minds.

Please. Please don't let this night end. Please don't let the morning come and take this away from us.


End file.
